Friday, December 23, 2005
yesterday, i was chionging my homework at my table in my bedroom and while doing my jian bao... i saw something.. AN ANT. ok. it wasn't big. it was tiny so i didn't try to bother about it.
then it crawl crawl crawl around my hand. then i scared it crawl crawl crawl onto my hand so i canot concentrate on my homework.
i used my hand and BANG BANG the table but then it not scared... ok. that's stupid. usually, when i BANG BANG the table it would run away. but don't know why this ant won't RUNAWAY. GOGO told me bcos i bang bang so much, the ant bcome immune to my banging.
then it crawl crawl too much le. so annoying. so i take tissue and PIAK. YAY, IT DIED.
i continued with my homework...
oh great. another ant came. ok. this time i didn't want to kill it so i BANG the table again. BUT IT NOT SCARED. ok. that's fine.. but it just won't crawl crawl away. so i used the tissue and tried to piak it. but then it nv kena the piak. so i just tot nvm la. then i do my homework lor.
then i feel like.. eh.. how come my hand like tickle tickle de. THE ANT WAS ON MY HAND. wth? okok. that's too much. so i killed it. THAT ant deserved to die.
this morning i wake up, then i suddenly felt like u noe.. the forehead and the eye like pain. dono leh. lol. like got needles poking it laidat. then i tot i gonna die. LOL. haha. then i told my sister. she say will laidat means i'm gonna get sick or im lacking sleep. ok. now i know i won't die. but its still pain.
i've been reading a book called The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey. its a nice book. REALLY. there's this chapter that tells u to seek first to understand, then to be understood. u have two ears and one mouth-use them accordingly. i'll tell one of e many poems written in this book.
title: Please... Hear What I'm Not Saying
Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the mask i wear. For i wear a mask, i wear a thousand masks, masks that i'm afraid to take off, and none of them is me. Pretending is an art that is second nature with me, but don't be fooled.
... i give the impression that i'm secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without; that confidence is my name and coolness is my game; that the waters are calm and that i'm in command and i need no one. But don't believe it; pls don't.
I idly chatter with u in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that's really nothing, nothing of what's crying within me. So when i'm going through my routine, don't be fooled by what i'm saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what i'm not saying; what i'd like to be able to say; what, for survival i need to say but i can't say. I dislike the hiding. honestly i do. I dislike the superficial phony games i'm playing.
I'd really like to be genuine spontaneous, and me; but you have to help me. You have to help me by holding out your hand, even when that's the last thing i seem to want or need. Each time you are kind and gentle and encouraging, each time u try to understand because u really care, my heart begins to grow wings. Very small wings. Very feeble wings. But wings. With your sensitivity and sympathy and your power of understanding, i can make it. You can breathe life into me. It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. But love is stronger than strong walls, and therein lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive, and i am a child.
Who am i, you may wonder. For i am every man, every woman, every child... every human you meet.
yah. nice poem. lol. its long.. but it makes sense. this post is really long... wow. =D
always a twemasekian `2:24:00 pm
